Not Many Fans Have That Pleasure

Alice in Wonderland

2010-03-13T12:08:00.000-08:00

Aw man, hey there NMFHTP! It's been a while has it not? TO BE HONEST I kinda forgot about you, and for that I apologize. WHATEVER, this week I saw a movie, so I think I'm going to talk about it for a while.

Alice in Wonderland

Okay, so admittedly I had been waiting for this movie with a mixture of giddy anticipation and overwhelming dread for a little under two years. On one hand: I really love 'Alice('s Adventures) in Wonderland' (and 'Through the Looking-Glass'). On the other hand: the ol' Burton mare just ain't what he used to be, and let's not lie: the edgy Mall Goth Alice in Wonderland thing has kinda been done to death. (Not to mention the fact that the trailer made the movie look like it was going to be two hours of Depp-a-palooza, and, honestly, I didn't know if I could handle that.) In short: I was totally ready to hate this movie.

Which meant that I was just as surprised as anyone when I freakin' loved almost every second of Alice in Wonderland. Okay, okay, hear me out: there are some dumb parts. There are some really dumb parts (Futterwack scene, mirite). Also: it doesn't help that I am tired of the 3D gimmick and thought the movie would've done better to simply leave it alone.

But! BUT! Alice in Wonderland is also two hours of absolutely freakin' gorgeous, okay. It is full of fantastic character designs, wonderful costumes, settings and scenes crammed with detail, and a predictably Elfman-tastic musical score (that I enjoyed at the expense of the last of my musical indie cred).

Also: Saruman the White voices the Jabberwocky. So I mean, there's that.

Okay, so the movie isn't life-changing (and I'm already dreading the hordes of Mad Hatter costumes come Hallowe'en), but honestly: it isn't terrible. In fact, it is easily enjoyable. (And if you close your eyes during the Futterwack scene then ALL THE BETTER.)

Plus, I'm not gonna lie: I enjoy any movie that features Shaun White's hair-spiration.

The Mad Hatter and Shaun White's hair: SEPARATED AT BIRTH????

In Short: The Futterwack scene was unforgivably unnecessary, but I can't help but enjoy any movie that features fish footmen and a Cheshire Cat that isn't a rehash of the 1950s animated Disney pink and purple version. I'm still waiting for an Alice movie that includes all my favourite characters (where were the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle, Tim Burton?), but fish footmen, you guys. They were great.

Up and Star Trek: Good Movies For A Change

2009-05-29T21:13:00.001-07:00

Hey guys let's mix it up and talk about honest to god GOOD movies for once, shall we?

First of all, I just got back from seeing Pixar's new flick: Up.

I will not say a lot about this movie because it is completely fantastic in every way and I think the less you know about it when you go into it the better. It had me crying within the first few minutes and I laughed so hard my gut actually hurt after awhile. I love this new trend of 3D movies, too. I originally thought the 3D craze was stupid, but the technology has really advanced and instead of being blurry and horrible and "kind in three dee but now my eyes hurt" it's actually "oh wow this looks like it's in 3D this is pretty cool." Also the Pixar Short before it was pretty cute. Although I think it was all just an excuse to show off how well they can render clouds. I always get giddy when I see wings rendered realistically, which is a stupid thing to get giddy about but there you go.

Anyway it's a great movie. "All ages" in the best sense of the word, meaning that everybody can enjoy it and not in a patronizing "Oh this is a movie for the kids" sorta way. And there will be no more talk of this movie.

IN OTHER NEWS IS SAW STAR TREK TOO. Here's what I thought:

Okay that's an exaggeration but honestly this movie was so good. I forgot that I liked Star Trek so much until I watched it and it just reminded me of seeing the Original Series and Next Generation with my dad for years and years. It retains the original feel of Star Trek and all it's characters to a tee, it's amazing. Also:

Also: Simon Pegg. I just couldn't find a good photo of him as Scotty. All the characters have the look and feel and mannerisms of the original characters, but they don't feel like they're trying too hard to be Shatner or Nimoy or Deforest Kelly or anything, it's a really good balance. I was grinnin' like a moron the entire time I was watching it because it was FUN. PURE AND SIMPLE FUN.

The only people I could see NOT liking this film are people who don't like Star Trek at all. Because this movie is Star Trek through and through. So if Star Trek doesn't ring your bells then this movie probably won't do a lot for you. Also if you're a huge Star Trek fan that loves to hate Star Trek you'll probably hate it too for a variety of retarded reasons.

Also anyone who takes Star Trek too seriously just needs to calm the hell down and watch this:

Also this:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-05-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

I don't really have much to say that Kory hasn't already said in her charming review of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, except that I am a fan of any franchise where a legitimate mutant power is "shoots guns" or "swords".

The poster is remarkable inasmuch as it looks exactly like a shitty decal you'd put next to those fake bullet hole stickers on your pickup truck.

Obviously, if you are looking for a profound film full of complex characters and a nuanced plot then you need to freakin' get your name in the game and stop going to comic book movies. However, if you are looking for a movie full of explosions, grown men screaming at the sky as the camera pans up dramatically, epic side burns, mutants fighting, and unforgivably poorly CG'd fat rolls, then X-Men Origins is the sweet ticket you've been looking for.

two thirds of the movie I swear to god

I was a little baffled by how seamlessly they could render will.i.am (plus one metric tonne of jade jewelry) teleporting, yet Sabertooth running around on all fours still looked as awkward and uncomfortable as ever. You had a budget of $150 million for this film, guys. I'm just saying: it is not impossible to have a guy running around on four legs and have it look realistic. Maybe next time you could spend less on Wolverine's Sideburns Budget and more on Let's Not Make Every Stunt Performed On Cables Look Like Crap.

Verdict:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine is no good at all, but that doesn't make it any less fun to watch. Plus, if you're like me you can play "SPOT THE VANCOUVER SHOOTING LOCATIONS" which is a game that never gets old. If nothing else, the trailer for Transformers 2 looked cool.

you tell it like it is, Tony O. Jones

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: Colon: Long Title: More Titles

2009-05-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Wolverine is a movie that is pretty terrible. But if you know that before going in then you can enjoy it greatly! I kept making the mistake of trying to figure out which characters were which mutants in the comic, which I should have learned from X-Men 3 wouldn't work because despite having 40+ years of mutants to choose from these movies prefer to make up people instead and then add in some token "for the fans" characters that have nothing to do with their comic book counterparts so I don't understand how that works. Although let's be honest, Will.I.Am was pretty great, but perhaps this is because I have a weakness for people in stupid cowboy hats wearing too many turquoise rings. Also they made up a mutant for him to be. Honestly? They couldn't find a black mutant for him to play? Is X-Men really short on minority mutants? I am pretty sure they are not, honestly. I am sure if you dig through enough comics you can find a jive-talking black teleporting mutant.

This is a better Deadpool than Deadpool in the movie.

HOWEVER. I knew it was gonna be pretty horrible going into the film, and went in expecting to see mutants use their superpowers and then see shit blow up. I was not disappointed. You can make a pretty good drinking game out of it. Take a shot each time Wolverine and Sabertooth growl at each other. Take a shot every time Wolverine looks at his hand. Take a shot every time there's blatant fanservicing. Take a shot every time someone looks up into the sky and screams. Take a shot every time the guy playing Gambit forgets that he's supposed to have a Cajun accent.

You will die of alcohol poisoning.

Movie Macro: Watchmen

2009-03-07T16:07:00.001-08:00

I'm sure one of us will do a better review later, but Kory said this when we were debriefing about Watchmen (p.s. go see it) and it was too funny not to macro.

Coraline

2009-03-02T15:51:00.000-08:00

I have been really busy lately and haven't been able to keep up with this blog. But I saw Coraline awhile ago and felt bad that I never posted anything. So here's something real quick:

That's basically all I have to say.

Favorite Albums of 2008

2009-01-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

Hey ya'll, I like listening to music. Did you know that a lot of good music came out in 2008? Let's look at some of my favorites!

Gnarls Barkley - The Odd CoupleGnarls Barkley came out with another album this year and hey ya'll I kinda super dig it. I'd be hard pressed to say if I liked it more or less than St. Elsewhere, their first album, but I mean most bands Sophomore albums kind of blow hardcore and this one definitely does not. And I mean any band that dresses up like Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo, Droogs, and Napoleon and Pedro for funsies is a band I can get behind. When I hear music like this I am happy because it is proof that good music can also be popular. Also PS apparently it is impossible to find a decent video of this band playing any Odd Couple songs online. So here's an .mp3 instead. I hope the link doesn't die immediately.
Gnarls Barkley - Surprise

Vampire Weekend - Vampire WeekendVampire Weekend is pretty adorable, I will not lie. They've got a pretty great African sound thing going on. This sort of sound isn't new if you're at all familiar with Paul Simon's 'Graceland' (or, you know, African music), but that doesn't mean I don't love it any less. There's not a lot to this album, but it's an enjoyable listen. I defy you to watch this and not smile at least a little.

Vampire Weekend - A-Punk

Todd Sickafoose - Tiny ResistorsThis is a mostly instrumental jazz album, which is weird for me because usually I do not dig on the jazz. I might be a little biased because Andrew Bird is in this ensemble, contributing violin and his amazing whistling abilities. Also there is a song called "Bye Bye Bees" and I kind of love anything that references the strange disappearance of bees. There's a lot happening in this album, and I think even if you're not that keen on jazz there is stuff in here for you to like. I like to listen to this album while I am working. It gets me focused and surprises me with little bits I did not hear before.
Todd Sickafoose - Bye Bye Bees

The Islands - Arm's WayThe crazy concoction that was once The Unicorns has added about 10 million members and become The Islands. They had an album before this, Return to the Sea, but this was the first album I heard. It might be my favorite album of the year, it is so good. Where the Unicorns were simple "We made this in the basement while playing with the Moog", the Islands are "We spent a long time in the studio with this but it doesn't sound over done PS you love strings, right?" Basically I love it a lot. This is an album you have to listen to start to finish. It plays out like a rock opera, and the first song sounds a lot like an overture. I just love it a ton. Lots of screaming and GREAT bass playing along with random woodwinds and strings and synthesizers. I've said this a lot already with all the previous albums, but there is a LOT to this music. You have to just sit and listen. In the Rushes might be my favorite song, and not just because it turns into A Quick One While He's Away (my favorite Who song) at the end. It was hard for me to pick between In the Rushes, The Arm, Creeper, and Abominable Snow, but in the end I went with In the Rushes. Just listen to this stuff man, seriously.

The Islands - In the Rushes

Girl Talk - Feed the AnimalsThis album used to be a guilty pleasure but it's graduated to full fledged non-embarrassed enjoyment. Girl Talk gave this album away for freezies on his website (or you can throw a few bucks his way), Radiohead-style. Girl Talk is basically a big "UP YOURS" to record labels and the RIAA, as the entire album is made from music downloaded off the internet and sampled without permission. I'm a big fan of mash-ups to begin with, but this guy is something else. When I first got this album I listened to it with my sister over iChat and we played a game of "guess as many songs as we possibly can recognize" and it was an amazing experience. Any person that can convincingly mix Nirvana with Salt-n-Peppa and that "Groove is in the Heart" song and make it actually listenable is amazing in my book. Also the music videos are pretty great.
Girl Talk - In Step

Flight of the Conchords - Flight of the ConchordsOkay I honestly have not actually heard the entirety of this actual ALBUM, but I have watched the show a bajillion times and I absolutely love the music. I honestly cannot decide which song I want to link here because they are all gold. Flight of the Conchords is a two-man music team that makes stupid hilarious songs. They have a show on HBO that is also hilarious in every way. Jemaine also does a dead-on David Bowie impression, which cracks me up every time I see it. Okay i'll put the Bowie song here, but I highly recommend you take a look at the other songs because they are all brilliant. I don't even care, these guys are amazing and I will hear none of your naysaying.
Flight of the Conchords - Bowie's in Space

Man Man - Rabbit HabitsThis competes with the Islands for my favorite album of the year. I just love Man Man to DEATH. At first I did not like it as much as 'Six Demon Bag', the other album of theirs I own, but after listening to it a few times it has far surpassed my love of Six Demon Bag. There's just a lot more to this album than the last one, and the more you listen to it the more there is. Here I'll just let Rama and Tony explain Man Man for you.

That's basically Man Man in a nutshell, and the reason for my love.

Man Man - Mr. Jung Unstuffed

Albums that would probably be on this list if I actually had/listened to the albums: Of Montreal - Skeletal Lampings, Deerhoof - Offend Maggie, Fiery Furnaces - Remember.

James Bond: Quantum of Solace

2008-11-15T17:45:00.001-08:00

HEY GUYS I JUST SAW QUANTUM OF SOLACE. We decided to try out the new movie theater that they built across the street. Turns out it's a digital theater that also can play 3D movies awesome. Also it is expensive. 5 bucks for a small popcorn that is ridiculous.

If you don't like chase movies or action movies or movies with explosions or JAMES BOND MOVIES you will not like this movie. I never cared for Bond flicks outside of the wonderfully kitschy 60's Connery ones, but I love these new ones with Daniel Craig. They have all the parts that make Bond movies great: the opening credits with silhouettes of naked women with a song sung by a singer that was popular at the time (Jack White and Alicia Keys have surprisingly similar voices and the song was really pretty good), chase scenes (ALL OF THEM. THINK OF A CHASE SCENE, IT IS IN THIS MOVIE), bond girls, cocktails, a bad guy with a slightly crazy evil plot (although it was also feasible, it just sounded a little nuts). It felt like a Bond film, but unlike a lot of Bond films, and especially the Pierce Brosnan Bond films, it didn't feel like the movie was FORCED to put all the Bond cliches into their film if they didn't want to.

Whatever, point of the story: I like Daniel Craig a lot. Also: this movie was a lot of fun. Also: There was a car chase and then a foot chase and then a boat chase and then an airplane chase and then several more chases and don't tell me that ain't fun to watch. ENJOYABLE MOVIE. IF YOU LIKE JAMES BOND YOU'LL LIKE IT. Also it had really cool typography whenever they went to different countries.

There were also trailers for Watchmen (looks like it could be good, I remain cautiously optimistic), 2012 (I'm not sure what it's about but it looks like a "THE WORLD WILL END IN FOUR YEARS" kinda movie and man I'll dig anything that involves giant natural disasters), and Star Trek (it actually looks pretty awesome despite my first misgivings about it. PS Simon Pegg is Scotty WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE). There was also one for Angels and Demons which I thought looked cool till I realized it was Angels and Demons. Just put the word "Illuminati" into anything and I'll instantly be interested. Although stick Dan Brown into and I'll probably lose that interest.

Silent Hill: The Movie

2008-09-23T21:37:00.001-07:00

So Silent Hill, right? It's a video game movie. That right there was enough to make me avoid it for two years (Resident Evil, anyone? Srsly. Doom, too. Yikes. Stop that). But my friends and I have been playing Silent Hill 2 during the weekends, and although we've only gotten like 1/342ths of the way through the game (we only play it after midnight so my fiancé can join after he gets off work), I'm enjoying it very much. The monster designs and the use of sound as the primary spook-device, as well as all the imagery being based on the fears of the characters in the town rather than just generic monsters play to my favorite ways to be creeped out. Blah blah blah it's a good game I like it blah blah blah.

Anyway we decided to watch the movie.

Now before I start I will say this: It is not a good movie. Nearly every time an actor opens his or her mouth it sounds like "HEY GUYS ACTING IS REALLY HARD." Outside of a few good jumps and a particularly gory scene it's not terribly scary. but it is amazingly faithful to the look and feel of the game. The movie mostly follows the plot of the first game only there's a woman as the main character rather than a dude, and then they shoved Pyramid Head into it even though he's all about the second game's main character (but I'll forgive them since Pyramid Head is the greatest) and then she runs around a freaky super foggy empty town that occasionally turns into a nightmare hellmaze whenever airraid sirens blair and then freaky monsters try to kill you. This is basically the plot of the movie who cares.

God whatever the moral of the story is that this movie is not nearly as bad as I thought it was gonna be. It had a lot more style and relied more on sounds and non-gore imagery than most movies from this genre. If you want to see a fairly corny-yet-still-pretty-cool-in-an-unironic-way-sometimes movie you can try this one out. Plus it's like 9 bucks at Best Buy nowadays yay bad movies!

movie review - Tropic Thunder

2008-08-23T10:27:00.001-07:00

Man, so have ya'll seen Tropic Thunder yet? 'Cause no joke, it is just about the funniest movie I have ever seen.

I mean, remember how the marketing folk for Pineapple Express decided to use all the hilarious bits in the trailer that P.S. WERE NOT EVEN IN THE MOVIE? Well Tropic Thunder is just like that except they didn't use all the funniest bits in the trailer so when you're sitting in the theatre you don't get that "I just paid $11 to watch something I saw a billion times for free during commercial breaks" feeling.

And I mean, Tropic Thunder gets away with something no self respecting movie made after the Civil War should get away with- and that is Robert Downey Jr. in blackface. You're probably going to be more offended by the movie's use of the word "retarded" than you are the blackface, and that's saying something. (I'm not sure what exactly, but it's something.)

So STOP SEEING DARK KNIGHT OH MY GOD IT IS THE SAME MOVIE IN REGULAR THEATRES THAT IT WAS IN IMAX and go see Tropic Thunder. And continue to not see Pineapple Express 'cause I still haven't gotten over how lousy that movie was.

movie review - Pineapple Express

2008-08-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Brace yourselves kids, 'cause I'm about to say somethin' serious.

Pineapple Express is shit.

I mean, I consider myself pretty much an expert on bad movies? I've been known to watch stuff that gets by solely on outdated pop-culture references and reptiles riding mass transit- I even sat through Spy Kids 3D- but honest to god, Pineapple Express takes the cake in "this movie is just downright the worst movie I have ever seen."

Unless you are the kind of person who pees themselves over strained gay jokes, shallow racism, swaths of unnecessary violence and 2 hours of a film that tries really hard to make smoking pot look edgy and bad ass (the munchies are so hardcore, mirite?) then MAN, TAKE IT FROM ME: AVOIDING PINEAPPLE EXPRESS IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST.

Or like, just go for the first half an hour (which is hilarious) and walk out when you can still get your refund- then use that money to go rent Superbad or something. You'll thank me when you don't have to watch the scene where that guy picks off pieces of his bloody earlobe.

Banned Disney Films: My Favorite Pasttime

2008-07-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

I have a horrible weakness, and that is for old Disney films that have been banned for racism or for being political propaganda. I find them interesting not because I'm racist or think that they had the right idea, but because Disney is trying so hard to pretend that they never ever existed. I think that's criminal. It's one thing to say "Yes, we did that, it was a different era and we're not very proud of it, but there you have it" and it's something entirely different to say "No I don't know what you're talking about that never happened DISNEY HAS ALWAYS BEEN PURE." Ignoring history is an awful travesty, which is why I revel in these awful banned clips. Let me share a few with you.

I find it interesting that, unlike nearly all of the WWII propaganda cartoons I've seen, they portray the general German populace as good people who are in the unfortunate position of having the Nazi government. That level of consideration in a propaganda film (that are usually ALL GERMANS ARE AWFUL HATE THEM ALL YOUR NEIGHBOR IS OF GERMAN DESCENT THAT MEANS HE'S ACTUALLY A NAZI) surprised me. The horrible personification of Germany as an obese operatic valkyrie, however, did not surprise me at all.

Sunflower might be one of my favorite Disney characters, just because Disney absolutely refuses to acknowledge that she ever existed. Fantasia has been one of my favorite Disney movies for a very long time, and anyone with half a brain who knows me at all can probably figure out which part is my favorite and why. So when I found out that they had cropped this entire character out I was intrigued. You can buy the "Uncut, theatrical" version of Fantasia on DVD, only that its not uncut and it's not the version that was shown in theaters. You will never see Sunflower anywhere but these crappy youtube clips. I'm not saying I love the way she's portrayed as a happy grinning black buckwheat servant to the beautiful Aryan centaurs, but just don't deny that she ever existed. At the very least use it as a lesson on how far we've come as a society to realize the mistakes of past generations.

Song of the South. It's banned for sale in America, but that doesn't stop Disney from making money off of it. Everybody knows Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah, it's one of the more popular songs in the Disney songbook, but not many people know where it came from. Splash Mountain is a popular ride at Disneyworld, and it's all about the adventures of Brer Rabbit escaping Brer Fox and Brer Bear. Even the little hummingbirds live on in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (when Eddie Valiant first visits Toon Town). Yet you can't buy the movie in the US because it is considered racist and offensive. Which I'm not saying it's not; it's a movie about black plantation workers in the south and its full of "colorful" broken English and those gosh darned happy negros who just love working the fields for no money and tell the lil' white folks stories. If Disney is going to claim that it's not fit for children to watch, I think it's Tacky to continue making money off of it in the form of theme park rides.

Besides if these two clips can be "Disney Classics" -

Then the other ones should be too.

movie preview - Star Wars: Clone Wars

2008-07-29T19:03:00.000-07:00

Man, so I just got back from Hancock (which was not as bad as everyone and their dog has been making it out to be what the heck everybody), and as much as I want to talk about 90 minutes of Will Smith being drunk and calling all superheros homos, I feel like I gotta rag on something else first.

Ladies and Gentlemen, what the shit is this?

I know we've all been asking ourselves "how does a person go about driving the last nail into the Star Wars franchise coffin?" And I mean, I guess at long last we have the answer: Make a theatrical release movie with some of the fugliest character designs and most awkward looking 3D animation that people have ever seen. IT'S SO OBVIOUS, NOW.

P.S. didn't we already see this movie for free on our TV as decently designed and executed 2D animation? Did I miss an important memo or something? Ewww George Lucas what happened you used to make such good movieeeeessss.

Image Macro Movie Review - Hellboy II

2008-07-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

I don't care what anyone says, Hellboy 2 was awesome as hell. Except Selma Blair/Liz, who acts like a post and everything involving her character is super dumb. While they got rid of Meyers, the Hellboy/Liz relationship is still alive and well and super stupid, just like it was in the first Hellboy. If they just shipped Liz off to Antarctica to be with Meyers the movie would have been perfect.

There was plenty of monster face punching and plenty of bad-ass monster designs and Doug Jones in crazy freaky neat costumes. Speaking of Doug Jones, I thought Abe had a lot more character this time around, and even without David Hyde Pierce providing the voice, he sounded almost exactly like him. Also, Hellboy drank a lot of Tecate, which either Tecate won the bid war against all the other beer companies, or Guillermo wanted it in cause it is a Mexican beer.

In closing: Liz and everything related to Liz's character and story was super dumb. Johann sounded like the fish from American Dad but I still liked him a lot. I don't want a Hellboy 3 with the way Hellboy 2 ended, but I would love a B.P.R.D. featuring Abe, Johann, Roger, Cpt. Diamo and Kate fighting frog monsters.

movie preview - Hellboy II: The Golden Army

2008-07-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

What I want to know is why this promotion technique wasn't thought up years ago. I'm pretty sure we've all reached our movie-poster saturation point (are you listening Dark Knight because I'm looking right at you) and it's about time an advertising department came up with a way I could put promos-that-aren't-trailers onto my iPod, mirite?

The greatest thing about these promos is that they give people what they really want to see- namely: more of the characters they dig lots DOIN' STUFF. Nobody wants to hear the actors talking about how they act. That shit is always boring. I just want more clips of Hellboy discussing wainscoting on Holmes on Homes or getting fashion advice on Tim Gunn's Guide to Style.

I'm really looking forward to this movie can you tell?

movie review - WALL•E

2008-06-30T13:43:00.000-07:00

WALL•E

The Good, The Bad, The Verdict:
It's really hard to review this movie because I review things by pointing out (and making fun of) their flaws, and WALL•E kinda falls through in that specific area.

I don't even think it needs to be said that Pixar has created something that goes above and beyond all other computer-animated movies because crap, weren't they doing that a million years ago with Toy Story and A Bug's Life? I mean, it didn't exactly surprise me that this movie was really good- as long as you skip Cars, Pixar has been putting out "really good" movies for years.

What I'm trying to say is: SO LONG AS YOU LIKE GETTING TEARY-EYED OVER ROBOTS, THIS MOVIE IS WELL WORTH SEEING. I'm not even kidding, though, I have a heart like a heavy, cold stone and I got misty eyed on multiple occasions. Seriously, Pixar, why don't you just change your company name to "our mission is to make young adults cry in a theatre full of pre-teens" BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THAT IS WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO.

Tony and Rama liked it, too.

comic review - Batman: The Long Halloween

2008-06-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

Kory's Turn for a Review!

So we have a verifiable stack of Batman comics in my apartment that I have yet to read. Why have I not read them? I'm hip to Batman. I dig psychopaths in costumes. Why haven't I read all these Batman comics? Yesterday I dug out Batman: The Long Halloween because A.) The Christian Bale Batman movies are based partially on the comic (along with The Dark Knight Returns, which features Batman riding a horse and kicking everyone's ass, also a huge Nazi giant with boobs or something) and B.) it has the word "Halloween" in it so of course I am interested.

The Premise: Okay so I realize that this graphic novel is from twelve years ago but if you're anything like me, you might not be at all familiar with the comic. In Long Halloween, a killer known as "Holiday" is murdering members of the Falcone family (Gotham's untouchable mob family), and Commissioner Gordon, District Attorney Harvey Dent, and Batman are trying to figure out who's doing it.

The Pros: Every chapter took place during a different holiday and involved a villain who's kind of associated with the holiday (Halloween: Solomon Grundy (born on a Monday); April Fool's Day: The Riddler, etc). My favorite is the Riddler, who is a total wiener in a giant question mark suit during the whole thing. Because he's good at, well, riddles, he's recruited by both the members of the Falcone family and Batman to figure out who Holiday is. And in both instances all he does is help out and he's still slapped around for it. Poor guy. The mystery of who Holiday is kept pretty well hidden throughout most of the book. I thought I knew for sure who it was from the very beginning, but I was wrong. Well kinda. Well, not really. Well no I was wrong. Who knows. Maybe?

The Cons:

In Conclusion: I believe in Harvey Dent.

movie review - Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs

2008-06-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

OFFICIAL FIRST POST OF NMFHTP. ARE YOU READY JUNIOR? THEN LET'S GO.

UP FOR REVIEW:
Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs

Everybody knows about Futurama, right? If you don't, god damn, do not see this movie.

To Sum Up:
Futurama is a TV show! Now there are movies based off of it! Meanwhile: Bender is out to destroy all humans.

The Good:
I dig Futurama when it's on TV, so it's not like I could even pretend to resist the lure of a 90 minute ~~episode~~movie featuring a tentacle beast and Bender being a cool robot jerk. I guess it can be argued that the movie could've just as easily been broken up every ten minutes by a commercial break on Comedy Central, thereby saving us all a DVD rental, but that is neither here nor there.

The Bad:
Don't even try to watch this movie unless you've seen every episode of Futurama at least thirty times. I'm not even kidding, there were episode in-jokes inside of episode in-jokes. Not to mention, Kory and I discussed this movie for a full fifteen minutes before we realized were talking about two different Futurama movies. Turns out there are two Futurama movies (with two more in the works- according to THE INTERNET) and they both suffer the same "watch the series or get out" hitch? WHO KNEW? WE DIDN'T. AWKWARD.

Verdict:
'Beast with a Billion Backs' is all well and good for those of us who have seen every episode of 'Futurama' more times than we care to admit, but if you don't know who Pazuzu is I'd suggest you just re-watch the Simpsons movie and save yourself a movie's worth of "why is this supposed to be funny." The movie doesn't suck, it's just a little niche-audience-y. Unless you just enjoy Bender being a huge robot jerk- in which case this movie is pure liquid awesome.

Coming Soon!

2008-06-26T19:07:00.000-07:00